The Encyclopedia Brown Encyclopedia

Sammy Jackson, getting ready to defraud a museum.

Mon, 20 May 2013 12:01:02 -0500

Sammy Jackson, getting ready to defraud a museum.

The Case of the Home-run Hitter

Sun, 19 May 2013 12:01:05 -0500

Chip Caswell’s liked collecting baseball souvenirs. In addition to that, he had kept every ticket stub from every game he had ever been to. That’s why he was excited that a sports museum was opening in Idaville. It doesn’t really make sense that such a museum would open in a small town in Idaville, which had no connection to professional sports. What made even less sense was the fact that there was going to be a spot in the main hall for a kid to donate something. The donator’s name would be put on a plaque put on display.

I don’t even understand why a museum would do this, but there’s no point in me trying to figure out why anyone in this town does anything.

Chip said that museum personnel would be examining donations at noon that day. He assumed that there would be a long line of kids, so he wanted to hire Encyclopedia to see what the kids had so that Chip would know what to offer. So Chip was hiring Encyclopedia as some sort of errand boy. Only, it didn’t really make sense, because Chip went with Encyclopedia. Why would he need Encyclopedia to scope out the competition if he was going as well? I guess Encyclopedia wasn’t about to question it. He got paid either way.

When they got to the museum, there was only one kid there; Tiger member Sammy Jackson. He had a baseball glove that said “Bad Motherf***er.” No, I’m kidding; just a little Samuel L. Jackson humor for everyone.

Sammy explained that there had been a long line, but everyone left once they saw what he brought. He had a baseball signed by Babe Ruth. Not just any baseball; Ruth had hit this particular ball for a homerun.

Sammy told the story of how his great-uncle got the ball. He lived near Yankee Stadium and went to every Yankee game he could. In that particular game, Ruth had already hit two homers. The Yankees were up by three runs by the bottom of the ninth. Even though the game was a foregone conclusion at that point, his great-uncle stayed until the end. In fact, he was one of the few remaining fans in his section. After getting two strikes, Ruth hit a homer that bounced off a seat near his great-uncle, right into his hands. While the homer itself didn’t decide the game, it was Ruth’s third of the game.

Sammy said that his great-uncle had recently passed away and left him that ball. He admitted that he wasn’t as big of baseball fan as his great-uncle, so he thought the ball should go in the museum.

Chip was ready to give up and let Sammy have his fame, but Encyclopedia suspected that the ball was fake. According to Sammy’s story, the Yankees were up by three runs when Ruth hit the homerun in the bottom of the ninth. But when the home team is ahead, they don’t bat in the ninth inning.

Sammy admitted that the ball wasn’t from Babe Ruth, but from the back of his closet. He put the fake autograph on the ball in hopes of scaring everyone from trying to submit their own item from the museum.

What was Sammy’s plan here? Oh sure, he lied to get rid of the competition, but his baseball was still subject to the approval of the museum personnel. One would hope that someone in charge of accepting entries into a sports museum would be able to tell the difference between an 80-year-old baseball signed by Babe Ruth and some other baseball with “Babe Ruth” scrawled on it by some kid. If not, then I’m guessing this museum would be filled with fake sports memorabilia. Actually, the idea of Idaville opening a fake sports memorabilia museum wouldn’t surprise me one bit.

But assuming this particular museum, for some reason, had its shit together, there would be no way that they would have accepted this baseball. They’d also wonder why Sammy was the only one in line when there had been so many children in line earlier. I would think they would just reschedule.

I wonder why Chip, who was supposedly a huge baseball fan, didn’t think it was odd that the baseball game in Sammy’s story had the winning home team batting in the bottom of the ninth. Sammy may have faked the baseball, but it sounds like Chip had been faking his interest in baseball this entire time.

"The science of probability doesn’t really work like that."

Sat, 18 May 2013 12:01:11 -0500

“The science of probability doesn’t really work like that.”

- Encyclopedia Brown, just being Encyclopedia.
The Case of the Carnival Crime

The Case of the Missing Songs

Fri, 17 May 2013 12:01:02 -0500

The Browns were waiting in line for Fiona Slocum’s concert. Slocum was Chief Brown’s favorite country western singer. While waiting in line, the three discussed Slocum’s career. That’s where we learned that her first album was successful, but she took some time off after that tour and that this was her comeback tour.

Encyclopedia noticed two police officers heading towards them. The officers told Chief Brown that they were needed. The three were escorted backstage where they were introduced to Colonel Abner Singleton, Slocum’s manager. He explained that the sheet music for Slocum’s latest songs had been stolen. She was planning on performing the song for the first time that night. She was so distraught over the missing sheet music that she needed to be alone. She refused to see anyone. Due to Slocum’s secretive nature, no one knew anything about these songs; even Singleton himself.

Encyclopedia asked if the songs could be rewritten, but they couldn’t. Slocum wrote the music down, but since her memory wasn’t all that great, she was unable to perform without sheet music. She couldn’t even perform songs that she had done hundreds of times before without sheet music.

I’m no doctor, but that seems like a terrible condition. She seems to have some serious brain condition where she has absolutely no muscle memory. It makes me wonder how she was even able to become a successful musician if she couldn’t play any of her music from memory.

Singleton told Chief Brown that there was one suspect. His name was Chuck and he had followed Slocum from city to city. Singleton admitted that Chuck hadn’t done anything illegal. So basically, Chuck was only guilty of being a fan.

Singleton begged Chief Brown to find the sheet music as soon as possible. He said that without her new love songs, Slocum may not get the comeback that she wanted.

Encyclopedia asked how he knew they were love songs if only Slocum knew what the songs were about. Singleton knew that he had been caught. He had heard that Slocum had wanted to fire him as her manager, so Singleton had taken the sheet music. He had hoped that if he was the hero that found the music, he would preserve his job.

Okay, I get that part. He wanted to keep his job. I don’t understand why the police were there.

A singer was claiming that music, that only she saw, was missing. There was no evidence of a break-in or any other wrongdoing. This doesn’t sound like theft, it sounds like the singer just misplaced the music. This doesn’t seem all that out of the ordinary because we’ve already established that Fiona has exceptionally shitty memory. So getting the police involved at that point would be like me calling 911 because I couldn’t remember where I put my keys.

But let’s say that this story takes place in a town where the local police force has nothing better to do and are totally fine with wasting their resources (read: Idaville). That doesn’t explain why Singleton was being helpful to the police.

This is the guy who stole the music and whose plan revolved around him being the one to find the music. Why would the guy whose plan revolved on no police involvement get the the police? Even if Slocum told Singleton to get the police, there was nothing stopping him from lying and saying he did because he was holing herself up in her dressing room.

If Singleton couldn’t even do this properly, it’s a wonder why Slocum didn’t fire him sooner.

Let’s pretend this wasn’t an inside job and let’s pretend the Idaville PD’s only way of solving cases was hoping Chief Brown’s young son didn’t pick up on someone accidentally giving too much information. What kind of investigation would the police be able to launch if the one person who had access to the music locked herself in a room and refused to be talked to?

Yeah, nothing in this story makes any sense.

Alfred E. Neuman lookalike Biff Bumpkin laughs off accusations...

Thu, 16 May 2013 12:00:56 -0500

Alfred E. Neuman lookalike Biff Bumpkin laughs off accusations that he stole a box of stuffed animals.

The Case of the Tempting Toys

Wed, 15 May 2013 12:01:03 -0500

The town was getting ready for the Idaville Fair, which meant that either someone was getting ready to cheat at some contest, or someone was about to steal something. The latter turned out to be true and Encyclopedia had no problem spotting the victim of the latest petty crime. He noticed a high school student setting up one of the concession stands who seemed to be in a grouchy mood.

Encyclopedia went over to her stand to see if she was okay. She introduced herself as Mindy Harmon, and she said told him that she knew of him because younger her sister, Carrie, spoke about him a lot. She even had a case for him to solve. Mindy paid Encyclopedia a quarter, and he sat down to hear her story. As he was doing so, Mindy’s dog, Cooper, barked at him. Mindy hushed Cooper and explained that he always barked at strangers, but didn’t seem to scare them much.

Mindy explained that someone had stolen a large box of stuffed animals that were supposed to be meant for prizes for one of the games. She had gone to her car to unload some stuff, and when she returned, she saw that the box was gone. She was depending on Cooper to guard the booth, but he obviously didn’t do a very good job. Encyclopedia asked when she noticed the box was missing, and Mindy answered that that had been an hour earlier.

There was no one around who would have seen who might have taken the box. Encyclopedia asked Mindy if she had seen anything suspicious, and she answered that she hadn’t, but did see Biff Bumpkin watching her from a distance before the box disappeared, but he was gone after that. She didn’t know Biff very well, personally, but she knew that he didn’t have the best reputation. I’m not sure why that didn’t raise a red flag in her head.

So to review; Mindy was setting up a booth for the Idaville Fair. She noticed some creepy kid watching her from afar, but she didn’t think twice about him. She left a box of toys unattended, hoping that her easy-to-quell dog would guard the toys from her. When Mindy returned, the box was gone as was the creepy kid. But she didn’t suspect the creepy kid, nor did she alert the authorities – or anyone – about the theft until about an hour later when the resident 10-year-old boy detective happened to pass by. Had Encyclopedia not run into her, she’d still be quietly skulking about her stolen toys completely flummoxed about what could have happened to them.

This Mindy doesn’t sound too bright.

Biff happened to live around the corner from the fair, so Encyclopedia suggested that he and Mindy speak to him. Mindy agreed and asked another volunteer to keep an eye on her booth. If she had asked someone to keep an eye on her crap in the first place, they wouldn’t be in this mess. Also, before heading to Biff’s, it might make sense to ask these nearby volunteers if they had seen who took the toys. It just seems like a wiser tack to build some evidence before confronting the accused.

Biff claimed that he didn’t steal the box of stuffed animals. He went so far to even say that he had no use for stuffed animals. Biff then motioned to Cooper and patted the dog on the head.

Encyclopedia pointed out that Cooper barks at strangers, and that Cooper wasn’t barking because he was already familiar with Biff when he stole the stuffed animals. Biff confessed immediately and explained that he was going to use the stuffed animals to impress the ladies by pretending to have won them.

Well, at least Biff had a decent motive. That almost never happens.

But I have no idea why Biff gave up so easily. He could have explained that he was good with dogs or that he knew Cooper because he had seen him around town with Mindy’s sister Carrie.

"I could sell this map to a museum if all I cared about was the money. The way I figure it, museums..."

Tue, 14 May 2013 12:01:17 -0500

“I could sell this map to a museum if all I cared about was the money. The way I figure it, museums have way too much stuff already. They can’t even display most of what they own.”

- Nate Switcher, explaining why he was selling his 15th century map to a child for a few bucks and not to a museum for a few thousand bucks.
The Case of the Explorer’s Map

The Case of the Glittering Diamonds

Mon, 13 May 2013 12:01:08 -0500

“Dollar” Bill Pesada earned his nickname because he was careful with his money and was always on the lookout for good investments. He hired Encyclopedia to check out a tip on a possible investment opportunity.

Bugs Meany was offering shares in a diamond mine. At this point, I’d have to wonder how business-savvy Dollar Bill really was. I don’t know the first thing about telling a good investment from a bad one, but I’d have to say that any investment where Bugs was involved would be a bad one. Just look at the kid’s history. He was constantly stealing and trying to defraud children with bad trades.

Even without hearing anything about this mine, I’m would be willing to go out on a limb and advise against this investment. But Dollar Bill, the sixth-grader who was so good with money they called him Dollar Bill, wasn’t so discriminating. Not only did he not immediately reject the thought of investing in something supposedly belonging to Bugs, he spent a quarter to find out if it was a legitimate opportunity or not.

Despite his nickname, Dollar Bill had a shitty business sense. That’s basically what I’m trying to say.

The two found Bugs in front of the Tigers’ clubhouse, pitching his diamond mine to a group of children. While the details weren’t fully explained, it seemed as if Bugs was selling shares on behalf of his cousin, who owned the mine. Bugs said that some of the diamonds were so large that it couldn’t even be used for an engagement ring because anyone that wore it wouldn’t be able to lift her hand.

Encyclopedia, who knows pretty much everything, could have chimed in and mentioned that the largest rough gem-quality ever discovered was over 3,000 carats, which works out to just under a pound and a half. So right away, it should be obvious that Bugs was full of shit.

Bugs explained that he understood that it could be difficult to convince them that this mine was real, so his cousin sent Bugs a sample to show off to possible investors. The diamond Bugs held was about the size of a golf ball. He said his cousin didn’t mind sending that one to Bugs because that was one of the smaller ones compared to the ones they were finding in this mine.

Dollar Bill asked if he could hold it, but Bugs refused. Bugs explained that if he let Dollar Bill touch it, then everyone would want to. He said that someone could drop the diamond or damage it. It would be completely useless if it was ruined.

As if the supposed size of these diamonds wasn’t enough of a tip-off, Encyclopedia knew that Bugs was lying. Since diamonds are the hardest substance in nature, Bugs wouldn’t need to worry if someone dropped the diamond. Nothing those kids could have done would have damaged it.

Dollar Bill learned an important lesson that he should have learned a while ago; Bugs Meany’s an ass.

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Carnival Crime (2011)...

Sun, 12 May 2013 12:01:13 -0500

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Carnival Crime (2011) book cover

There’s a lot going on in this illustration, but the thing that I like most is Encyclopedia’s expression, which seems to say, “I’m getting too old for this shit.”

The Case of the Vanished Sculpture

Sat, 11 May 2013 12:01:11 -0500

Chief Brown was distracted for yet another dinner, because of a case involving a theft at the Idaville Museum. A one-foot-tall statue of the Roman god Mercury was stolen from the museum after it had been closed for the night. Mrs. Brown asked if the museum had security cameras or an alarm system. They did, but there were still three employees inside, so the alarm system had not been armed yet. Someone had shut the cameras off after everyone but the three employees had left.

The three employees being suspected were the Curator of Antiquities, the security guard and the janitor. The curator would be the one of the three who knew how much the statue was worth, but he claimed to have had no idea how to turn the security cameras off. The security guard did know how to shut the cameras off, but he was nowhere near the control room where the switch for the cameras was. The janitor claimed to know nothing about art.

Chief Brown didn’t arrest anyone because each suspect was each other’s alibi. The security guard saw the curator working in his office and saw the janitor washing the floor in the lobby. And both of them saw the janitor rolling the pail away with the mop over his shoulder.

That was a sufficient alibi according to Chief Brown? They saw each other at some point? That doesn’t really work for me. They saw each other working and then went on about their business. It wasn’t as if they were with each other the entire night? Who’s to say that one of them didn’t steal the statue directly after being seen?

Encyclopedia was able to go beyond criticizing his father’s poor police work and was able to figure out who actually stole the statue. He thought it was odd that the janitor, the man whose job it was to keep the floors clean, would carry the mop over his shoulder. That would cause the wet mop to drip on the floor. Why not keep the mop in the pail? Because, according to Encyclopedia’s theory, the janitor had the statue in the pail and there wasn’t room for both the statue and the mop.

How did the janitor get the statue out of the museum? Did he roll the pail all the way home? And then I suppose the janitor’s plot was to find someone who knew the value of the statue who was shady enough to knowingly buy a piece that was stolen from the museum.

I also like how Chief Brown automatically gave the janitor a free pass because he said he knew nothing about art. He wouldn’t need to know anything about art to know that the statue was worth something. It’s a museum. I think it would be a safe assumption to say that everything in the museum is valuable, otherwise it wouldn’t be worth displaying in a museum. It’s not like a museum would display a lot of inexpensive crap to trick those would-be thieves who don’t know anything about art.

Jack Higgenbottom’s idea of a good scam is to create a...

Fri, 10 May 2013 12:01:22 -0500

Jack Higgenbottom’s idea of a good scam is to create a fake 278-year-old diary and sell it to the close friend of the only smart person in town.

The Case of Mrs. Washington’s Diary

Thu, 09 May 2013 12:01:10 -0500

Encyclopedia and Sally were roaming the aisles of the flea market. Sally was desperate to find a last-minute birthday gift for her mother. Mrs. Kimball was interested in history, so Sally figured she would be able to find something in that vein somewhere, but she was having no luck.

That is until she came to a booth run by high school student Jack Higginbottom. Sally asked Jack if he had anything historical. He answered that he did have something that wasn’t on display because it was very old. It was a few pages of the diary of George Washington’s mother.

Well, that seemed perfect, yet not at all suspicious that that was in the hands of a teenager and not some archive or museum.

Jack spoke briefly about the life of Mary Ball Washington, and admitted that the diary wasn’t all that interesting as she wrote mostly about daily chores and life on the farm. He did have the entry that she wrote the day after she had given birth to her first child, George. It read:

“I am so impressed looking at little George lying in his cradle. Augustine and I have a feeling he is destined for great things. Why, I wouldn’t be surprised if someday he grew up to be president. I only hope I love long enough to see it.”

Sally was amazed that Washington had written that about her son. To make the story even sweeter, Jack pointed out that Mary Ball Washington died in 1789, months after his son was inaugurated. Sally was sold. She thought it was going to make a great present for her mother.

Before Sally gave Jack any money, Encyclopedia said that the pages were not real. He knew this because the diary made mention of this newborn growing up to become president in 1732. There was no such position in existence, nor would there be until the ratification of the U.S. Constitution in 1787. For that matter, there wasn’t even a United States of America for infant George to eventually become president of in 1732.

You would think that simply by hanging out with Encyclopedia as much as Sally does, she would have picked up at least some basic reasoning skills. Instead, like the rest of the town, she seemed to depend on Encyclopedia as an intellectual crutch. “I don’t ever need to think about anything. Encyclopedia does that for me.”

This entire town is going to devolve into complete anarchy the day Encyclopedia leaves for college.

"Babe Ruth hit 714 homeruns over his long career … The Babe ate even more hot dogs during his..."

Wed, 08 May 2013 12:00:56 -0500

“Babe Ruth hit 714 homeruns over his long career … The Babe ate even more hot dogs during his career than he hit homers.”

- Sammy Jackson, spouting the least impressive food-related statistic in the history of baseball.

Eating 714 hot dogs over the span of 21 years amounts eating fewer than three hot dogs per month, which is nothing for someone who famously overindulged in hot dogs on a fairly regular basis

The Case of the Home-run Hitter

The Case of the Shipwreck

Tue, 07 May 2013 12:00:57 -0500

It was a hot summer day in Idaville. Sally Kimball was complaining that they weren’t at the beach to cool off. Encyclopedia should have just let her go; she served no purpose in these stories anyway.

Penny Nichols came by and put a quarter down in front of Encyclopedia and Sally and told them that Wilford Wiggins was holding a meeting about his latest business opportunity. Now, it’s not explained what Penny’s motive for going to the Brown Detective Agency was. She didn’t mention that she was excited at the prospect of being rich, nor did she mention any concern for her peers getting swindled. It was just, “Here’s a quarter… Wilford’s holding a meeting.” Why exactly was Encyclopedia being hired? Encyclopedia seemed to assume that he was getting hired to prove that Wilford’s opportunity was another scam, but Penny never specified.

At the meeting, Wilford talked about his uncle who lived on the southern tip of South America. The previous week, he was cooling off on the beach when he noticed a sea chest wash up onto the shore. In the chest were a bunch of gold coins and tools. His uncle figured that if this chest had washed up ashore that a ship must have sunk in the area, so there must have been more chests like that to be found. His uncle had said that a bunch of ships had sunk in the area in the 17^th and 18^th centuries, and they must be loaded with gold and treasures.

Now, at this point, Wilford still hadn’t made a pitch. However, Penny chimed in and asked, “Wouldn’t it be easier for your uncle to borrow money from grown-ups he knows?”

Once again, a conversation that Penny was involved in skipped a step. Wilford made no mention of wanting to borrow money for something, yet Penny asked her question as if he had. Granted, it was obvious that that was what Wilford was working up to. Maybe Penny was a good person to have around. She was one of those “let’s cut the crap, what do you want?” people, only actually saying that. Except, I’m kind of curious why his uncle needed money. I guess it’s for diving equipment?

Wilford explained that his uncle was worried that if he told his friends about the shipwreck that they would just beat him to it. He asked his nephew – and not his American sibling, the nephew’s parent, who would likely have more money – for some financing. Wilford had to pass, because he claimed that his money was tied up in oil wells, but he went one better. He asked children for funds. “Oh good,” his uncle must have said, “That seems like a smart and effective way of getting money.”

Encyclopedia didn’t believe any of it.

My question was how this heavy treasure chest full of tools and gold was able to wash ashore. It’s not as if it had been floating around was destined to make its way to the shore eventually. That think would have sunk to ocean floor and stayed there. But that was hardly the most obvious thing that didn’t make sense in Wilford’s story.

If it was summer in Idaville, that meant that it was winter in South America. This uncle in the southern tip wouldn’t be needing to cool off at the beach.

How is Encyclopedia the only person in this entire group that knows this? That is the sort of thing that should be taught in elementary school. Do the people in Idaville just not pay taxes? Because it’s been proven that their schools suck almost as badly as their police.

Roger Cuthbert wants to know why Chief Brown wasn’t...

Mon, 06 May 2013 12:01:11 -0500

Roger Cuthbert wants to know why Chief Brown wasn’t arresting the kid he framed for a burglary he faked.

The Case of the Missing Medallions

Sun, 05 May 2013 12:01:13 -0500

Chief Brown had just picked up Encyclopedia from the library when the police radio came alive. A robbery was in progress at the Den of Antiquities. Chief Brown, unsure the nature of the robbery or if anyone was armed, went straight to the scene with his 10-year-old son.

When they arrived, they saw shop owner Roger Cuthbert standing out in front of his store, holding young junk collector Winslow Brant by the arm. Cuthbert was claiming that he had caught Winslow in the act. Chief Brown asked Cuthbert to let Winslow go and suggested that everyone went inside so that they could discuss this with civility.

Inside, Cuthbert explained that he had closed up shop for the day. He had more work to do, so he left to get some coffee. When he returned, he saw Winslow standing in front of the store and that the storefront window was broken. Cuthbert noticed that a set of three medallions, together worth thousands of dollars, had been stolen. The Browns looked and saw the sidewalk covered in broken glass.

Winslow admitted that he was in the store earlier that day and that he was interested in the medallions, but he didn’t steal them. Chief Brown asked Winslow to empty his pockets. Winslow complied, but that did not produce the medallions.

Cuthbert wasn’t convinced. He thought that maybe Winslow had stashed them somewhere, or that he was working with someone else and his partner had them. Already, we know that Cuthbert was lying. He said he caught Winslow in the act, but he obviously didn’t. If he had, Winslow would have still had the medallions on him.

Remember that time when Bugs Meany claimed that he had caught Encyclopedia “red-handed,” and Encyclopedia’s entire defense was, “actually, he used that term incorrectly”? That, for some reason, worked. Here, Cuthbert said he had caught a child in the act, and no one batted an eye despite the fact that he was obviously lying.

Chief Brown changed gears and asked if anything else was missing. Cuthbert didn’t know, but it looked like the only thing that was disturbed was the display case where the medallions were being kept. Cuthbert went back to pinning blame on Winslow and went off with a tirade. When he was done, he excused himself so that he could get a piece of plywood to board up the broken window.

Cuthbert disappeared to the back of the store and Chief Brown closed his notebook. “It doesn’t look good, Cuthbert.” Winslow tried to defend himself saying that he hadn’t stolen anything, but Chief Brown already made his decision.

Apparently, the only evidence the police needed was the fact that he had been near the store when the store owner discovered that the window was broken. It was Chief Brown’s job to close cases, not to use common sense, logic or police work to make sure an innocent boy wasn’t blamed for a crime.

Encyclopedia finally spoke up. The broken glass from the window was on the sidewalk, which meant that the window had been broken from the inside. The only person who could have done that was Cuthbert.

It turned out that Cuthbert faked the robbery of his own store, going so far as to break the window for insurance money. We got tricked here, because normally the insurance fraud stories include someone conspicuously mentioning that the item in question was insured.

Since Winslow had been in the store earlier and Cuthbert knew he was interested in the medallions, Cuthbert decided to just try to put the fake robbery on this child, collect insurance money and then sell the medallions.

Any decent adult in Cuthbert’s situation would look at Winslow and think, “Hey, here’s a kid who likes miscellaneous treasures, and I’m a guy who owns a store that sells that sort of thing. In a way, we’re kindred spirits. I should encourage him to come in more often. Maybe I could teach a few things. Hell, maybe he could become a valuable customer in the future. At the very least, as an adult, I should try to set a good example.”

No Cuthbert saw Winslow and thought, “Hey, here’s a kid who likes miscellaneous treasures, and I’m a guy who owns a store that sells that sort of thing. I should frame him for a fake robbery so that I can commit insurance fraud.” So far, everyone we’ve met in Idaville with the name Cuthbert has shown themselves to be a total dick.

And I’d like to reiterate the point that Chief Brown almost arrested a boy despite the complete lack of evidence.

"You’re the Chief of Police. Maybe something will come up that demands your attention."

Sat, 04 May 2013 12:01:12 -0500

“You’re the Chief of Police. Maybe something will come up that demands your attention.”

- Mrs. Brown, talking to her husband about whether or not he’ll get an opportunity to meet his favorite singer. She was basically saying that the town was a haven for criminals and that something was going to go wrong at the concert that would warrant police presence. Of course, she was right.
The Case of the Missing Songs

The Case of the Giant Shark Tooth

Fri, 03 May 2013 12:01:01 -0500

Charlie Stewart stopped by the Brown Detective Agency. He said that the reason for his visit was because, “Duke Kelly, one of Bugs Meany’s Tigers, is selling what he says are the largest shark teeth ever. If it is true, I just have to have one. It would be the star in my collection.” This was the first mention of Charlie’s tooth collection since a story published in 1968. I had assumed that the author had stopped playing that element up because of how disturbing it is.

If I had been Encyclopedia, I would have said the following:

“First of all, Charlie, you don’t need to explain to me that Duke Kelly is one of Bugs Meany’s Tigers. I have a lot of experience dealing with him. We have a lot of experience dealing with him. I mean, he once shot you in the foot and then I had him enter your empty house to fetch one of your old shoes in hopes that it would prove that he was the one who shot you.

“By repeating the fact that Duke Kelly is one of Bugs Meany’s Tigers, you’re unintentionally acknowledging the fact that whatever it is that he’s selling is most likely fake. As one of my closer friends, you should know this already.”

But if Encyclopedia told everyone to stop trusting the Tigers, he’d be out of a steady stream of money. Charlie hired Encyclopedia, and they headed to the marina to listen to Duke’s sales pitch.

He explained that his uncle was a deep-sea fisherman who had recently hooked an enormous shark on one of his lines. He went on to say that the shark thrashed for hours and there were a few times when he thought the line was going to break. He was finally able to get the shark up onto the deck of his boat. The sharks thrashing did a lot of damage to the boat. After the shark stopped moving, Duke’s uncle looked into the shark’s mouth and surmised that it was old because its teeth were large and jagged. With as much stuff a shark chews on in the course of its like, it would make sense that older sharks would have damaged teeth. Duke finished the story by saying that his uncle had sent him a box of these teeth for him to sell.

Duke allowed everyone a close-up look, and Charlie was impressed. It was just want his collection needed.

Yeah, the teeth were fake. Encyclopedia knew that because sharks, unlike most other animals, don’t have one set of teeth for their entire adult life. In reality, new teeth grow in every month to replace ones that have worn or fallen out. When Encyclopedia confronted Duke with these facts, Duke explained that he had actually carved the teeth out of wood and painted it white.

Of all of the people in Idaville to know that sharks get new teeth on a monthly basis, you would think that Charlie, who devoted a big chunk of his childhood to his interest in animal teeth, would have known this. In addition to that, was he unable to tell the difference between a tooth and a small bit of wood painted white? Either Charlie’s an idiot, or Duke is a skilled craftsman. If it’s the latter, then Duke is wasting his talents because there’s a future for him in woodworking. It’s most likely the former though. Charlie’s probably just a gullible idiot.

"I wouldn’t call it suspicious exactly, but I did notice Biff Bumpkin watching me work from a..."

Thu, 02 May 2013 12:01:16 -0500

“I wouldn’t call it suspicious exactly, but I did notice Biff Bumpkin watching me work from a distance.”

- Mindy Harmon, who apparently doesn’t consider being watched from a distance by someone with a bad reputation as “suspicious.”
The Case of the Tempting Toys.

The Case of the Grabbed Groceries

Wed, 01 May 2013 12:00:59 -0500

Ginger Bailey hired Encyclopedia to figure out who stole her groceries. She had gone to the supermarket to pick up items for her block’s Fourth of July barbecue. After making her purchase, she realized that she had forgotten to buy mustard. So she left her bags of groceries on a counter near the front door and went to buy some mustard. In a town where anything not nailed down is generally regarded as open season, Ginger left this bag near the door where anyone could just easily swipe it on their way out of the store never to be seen again.

Smart move, Ginger.

None of the employees were able to help her and since no businesses in Idaville believed in surveillance cameras – even though this story was published in 2010 – she had to depend on the lucky assumptions of a 10-year-old know-it-all to find out who took her groceries. Luckily for her and her case, there was a Tiger member in the store at the time. Since Rusty Malone was there we can just assume that he took the groceries and we could just go on with our lives. All Encyclopedia had to do was find some weird way of pinning the blame on Rusty.

They went to the Tigers’ clubhouse where they saw Rusty doing push-ups, counting “98 … 99 … 100.” Ginger spotted her bag of groceries. Ginger and Rusty started arguing about the groceries. Ginger said that she saw him at the grocery store, but he wasn’t buying any groceries. Rusty said that he had purchased the groceries earlier.

So to review, Rusty was saying that he went to the grocery store to buy everything he needed for a barbecue and then returned – and that was when Ginger saw him – but not to buy anything. He just went back because hanging out at the grocery store is fun, I suppose. Even if he hadn’t been there earlier, why would he go to the grocery store if he didn’t intend on buying anything?

Anyway, it just so happened that he bought the same exact things that Ginger did. Granted, since they were both preparing for a barbecue, they’d have similar items. But Ginger said that they were the same exact things that she bought. It’s a shame the receipt wasn’t in the bag. That would have had the time printed on it.

Encyclopedia asked why Rusty was out of breath and if it had anything to do with the fact that he had just run from the grocery store. Rusty said it was from the push-ups he had just done. In that case, Encyclopedia suggested that Rusty take a drink. He took a can of soda out of the grocery bag and offered to open it for Rusty. The Tiger said that he wasn’t interested in soda, but he looked nervous.

That’s when Encyclopedia knew Rusty was the thief. Rusty had claimed that he bought the groceries several hours earlier, but he said he wasn’t interested in the soda. Encyclopedia assumed that the only reason for that could have been because he didn’t want the soda to explode. If it exploded, that would be a tell-tale sign that it had just been shaken up while Rusty was running home.

Or maybe Rusty didn’t want any soda because he was saving it for the barbecue. Or he knew that water would be the best thing to drink after exercising. Or he did want soda, but he wanted a cold one that had already been in the fridge, not a warm one in the grocery bag.

Nah, just blame it on the kid and call it a day. Whatever.