It was just another boring day in Idaville until Sally alerted Encyclopedia about a fight breaking out at Butch Mulligan’s house. Mulligan was a very large 18-year-old, so it seemed unlikely that someone would pick a fight with him.
It actually wasn’t a fight, more of a one-sided ass-kicking. Mulligan was beating up a bunch of children. While I don’t have the stomach for adult-on-child beatdowns, the victims were Bugs Meany and a few other Tiger members, so this was a good kind of adult-on-child beatdown.
The children of Idaville share the same interest in seeing Bugs getting beaten up, because they had formed a crowd around Mulligan’s home, cheering him on. Encyclopedia asked Mulligan’s younger brother, Haystacks, what caused the fight.
It all started when Bugs tried to cheat Mulligan out of some calendars. Mr. Downing, a math teacher, had recently moved out of state. Before Downing left, Mulligan asked him for his collection of 25 calendars depicting scenes from the Civil War.
However, Bugs emerged with a note supposedly written by Downing that read the following:
I forgot that I promised the calendars to Bugs Meany. Therefore, so that you may each have the same number, please divide the 25 calendars by ½. John Downing
Bugs had come to Mulligan’s home to divide the calendars up, but since 25 is an odd number, there was one left over. Mulligan and Bugs agreed to flip a coin to decide to go that final calendar. Bugs flipped a coin, Mulligan called heads, and Bugs said it had landed on tails without allowing Mulligan to look at it. Mulligan had had enough of Bugs’ crap so he threw Bugs and 12 of the calendars out of his door. Bugs got the Tigers to gang up on Mulligan, but Mulligan didn’t have a problem beating these children up.
Though Mulligan was ready to part with 12 calendars in the collection, Encyclopedia figured out that Bugs faked the letter. No math teacher would tell someone to divide 25 items by one-half, because dividing 25 by one-half gives you 50. He would have said “divide the 25 calendars by two.”
No, actually no one speaks that way. He probably would have said, “split the calendars amongst yourselves.”
Why is Bugs such an idiot? First off, he sucks at forging letters, as we’ve learned before. Secondly, why was he so interested in these calendars? He has pretended to be interested in the Civil War in the past, but even then, it was shown the he didn’t know anything about it. Bugs only seems interested in taking everyone’s prized possessions, just because they’re their prized possessions. That seems to be his only motive, and he’s willing to go to any lengths to ruin other peoples’ lives.
It’s one thing to cheat someone his own age out of a telescope, but to devise some sort of scheme to take calendars from someone much older and bigger than him? What is he getting out of that?
When he went to Mulligan’s home with some poorly thought out scheme, he ended up with 12 calendars that weren’t even rightfully his. Anyone halfway sensible would have walked away while he was ahead. But no, Bugs decided to get the help of his fellow Tigers to get Calendar #13. Even when they were completely powerless to Mulligan, they for some reason persisted. They kept coming back for more and Mulligan kept knocking them to the ground all so that Bugs could get one extra calendar.
And where are the police through all of this? It seemed as if every child in Idaville caught wind as to what was happening, didn’t any sensible adult figure it out? Wouldn’t one of Mulligan’s neighbors wonder why there was a group of children outside, cheering? And wouldn’t they find out that the reason they were cheering was because Mulligan, who is legally an adult, was beating a bunch of children? I don’t know, if I looked out my window and saw that, I’d probably call the police. Even if it was my neighborhood’s equivalent to Bugs Meany getting beaten.
Thank goodness my neighborhood doesn’t have a Bugs Meany.