Speedy Flanagan paid a visit to the Brown Detective Agency in regards to a bet he had entered with Bugs Meany. Bugs bet Speedy that he would be able to sell New York Yankees star pitcher Robert “Spike” Browning a new kind of pitch. The winner would get the loser’s baseball bat. Speedy took the bet. Who wouldn’t?

C’mon, if I bet you that I would be able to not only meet Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, but I’d also be able to teach him a new way to pass a football, you’d be a fool not to take this bet.

However, Bugs visited New York with his father and returned with a check for $100 and a letter thanking Bugs for the advice, both supposedly signed by Browning. Bugs’ pitch called for the pitcher to cross his eyes so that he’d be able to see the runners at first and third base at the same time. According to the theory, the runners would be able to see that the pitcher was watching them, and keep them from stealing a base or getting too much of a lead.

Speedy thought this entire story was complete bullshit, and for good reason. However, since Bugs seemed to have proof, Speedy had to accept his defeat. Of course, he made a beeline to Encyclopedia, whose reaction to this story was not, “What?! How frickin’ insane is this asshole to dream up such crap? That’s idiotic.” I make note of that, because that was my reaction as I was reading it.

The two went to the Tigers’ clubhouse and asked Bugs to see the proof. Bugs showed them the check – which, though it looked like it wassigned by Browning, didn’t have his name and address printed on it, as checks should – and a letter; both dated June 31.

Are you serious, Bugs? You invent this preposterous story of helping a professional athlete’s career all for some kid’s baseball bat and you eventually get burned because you don’t know that June has only thirty days? Why not keep it simple and just bet the kid that he could get Browning’s autograph? At least that’s plausible and much easier to fake.

You would think with all of the lies this asshole spews, he’d eventually get somewhat good at it. But no. In this case, practice does not make perfect. He’s an awful liar and an awful person.

  1. brownencyclopedia posted this